So you’ve been devouring books since you were five-years-old. Does that mean you’re ready for your honorary pHD in English?
Only if you can identify with these 9 differences between English majors and bookworms:
#1 English majors read short stories.
Why invest your emotions in a story that’s only going to last ten pages? Because your English professor told you to.
(Kidding. “The Yellow Wallpaper” is unbelievable!)
#2 English majors analyze the heck out of their reading material.
“I think Kathy married Linton to make Heathcliff jealous,” said no lit major ever.
Instead, try: “Linton and Heathcliff function as a binary pair showing two types of love. In Linton, we find a gentle, generous love. In Heathcliff, we find a passionate, possessive love. Kathy is torn between these two versions of love as, indeed, the human race is torn between them. We have yet to reach a consensus about which type is ideal.”
#3 English majors write in their books.
Of course, all of that analysis must be supported by citations from the text…
Above: Green is for structuralism. Pink is for feminisim. Blue is for psychoanalysis. Random scribbles are for smart alecky comments.
#4 English majors can classify books like a boss.
If you’ve ever said, “It’s mythopoeiac historical fiction with feminist leanings” you’re probably an English major.
#5 English majors can give you a complete history of literary movements.
It all started with Gilgamesh … then there was that little outbreak of fabulism in South America in the 1930s … but The Catcher in the Rye changed everything …
#6 Bookworms want to stay up all night reading.
Lit majors are downing coffee to make it through 400 pages of Vanity Fair in one night.
#7 Bookworms get to read the latest New York Times bestseller.
Lit majors are still struggling through that obscure Victorian novel that their professor thinks is a precursor to the modern slasher film.
#8 Society thinks that being a bookworm is a sign of intelligence.
Society thinks that being an English major is a sign of doom.
#9 Most bookworms secretly think they could be English majors.
And many English majors wish they could go back to being bookworms.